Umm I'm too high to move.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
