I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
