another moral hangover. fuck.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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