please come you make the beer taste better
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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