I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize