Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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