I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think my vagina is haunted
there's paper in my vomit.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
