And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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