Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
