God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
