What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Fuck appropriateness.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
