No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
