im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
