I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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