I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Randomize
