i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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