fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
