i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
