my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
