sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
