we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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