That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
