Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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