how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My vagina is very pro this idea
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
