I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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