do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
