Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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