Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
