You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize