It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
