Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
