I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
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I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
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Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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