Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize