you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
