I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Tell her she can't have a vagina
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just found puke in my bra..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
