It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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