Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
