I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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