he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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