Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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