Jerry, you need to find god
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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