If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
