I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
