I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
