I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
