Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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