Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
