woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
