Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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