i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
