My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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