her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
