i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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