You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
