Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
