My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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