So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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