Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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