aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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