i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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