holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I party with great urgency now.
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