I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My cat gives me a boner
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
