Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
