Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's official drugs can't kill me
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
